3/21/2024: World Happiness Report 😀

PLUS: Terror in Haiti Expands; Dodgers’ Bomb Threat; and Records Breach

Today is Thursday, March 21, 2024.

It is the 81st day of the year.

285 days remain.

Photo by Stan B on Unsplash

WHAT’S ON TAP

SAM BANKMAN-FRIED’s lawyers respond to prosecutors’ sentencing memo and the American Kennel Club announces the hottest breeds in 2023. Details in HIT LIST.

KATHY GRIFFIN hires a P.I. to find her estranged husband and EMINEM is working on a new album. More in SHOWBIZ.

A third “Downton Abbey” movie is in the works. Details in CASTING CALL.

BIANCA CENSORI leaves little to the imagination while out and about in L.A. More in KARDASH.

The London Clinic investigates a security breach. Details in ROYALS.

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HIT LIST

SAM BANKMAN-FRIED’s lawyers have responded to the prosecution’s sentencing memo, calling the proposed four-to-five-decade sentence “medieval.”

In a filing, they write that the recommendation paints SBF as a “depraved super-villain” with “dark and megalomaniacal motives that fly in the face of the record.” 

WORTH NOTING: The “record” has proven that Bankman-Fried illegally used billions of dollars in customer money to hide his own terrible, if not illegal, other business practices. That’s what supervillains do, even if it hurts their feelings to say so. 

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Gangs in Haiti are expanding their terror into the suburbs of Port-au-Prince, leaving dead bodies on quiet streets and blocking off access to others. 

One man tells the Associated Press he did not go to his job this week for fear of running afoul the thirty-some heavily armed men patrolling the streets in front of his home. 

The U.S. State Department has organized daily flights that will take 30 Americans at a time to safety in the Dominican Republic, but nearly 1,000 Americans remain in the country for various reasons, whether government or mission work. [via ABC News]

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The American Kennel Club announced America’s most popular dog breed for 2023. 

The French bulldog topped the list for the second consecutive year, followed by the Labrador retriever, which was the AKC’s most popular breed for 31 years. 

The rest of the top ten were: golden retriever, German shepherd, poodle, dachshund, bulldog, beagle, Rottweiler and German shorthaired pointer. [via AKC]

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GALLUP’s annual World Happiness Report says Finland has the happiest population based on a three-year survey. 

The United States fell out of the top 20 overall, down to 23, for the first time in the report’s history. 

IT GETS WORSE: For those under 30 years old, America ranks 62nd out of 143 countries.

The scores were based on surveys that asked respondents to rank their overall happiness on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest. [via World Happiness Report]

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A man from Washington State has pleaded guilty in Montana to multiple counts connected to his killing of thousands of animals and selling their feathers, and other remains, on the black market. 

Included in 48-year-old Travis John Branson’s charges are the killing of bald eagles and golden eagles, which have been protected from hunting and sale since 1940. 

Branson brazenly admitted to his crimes in text messages to various buyers, which also revealed he sold talons and feathers for hundreds of dollars. He faces up to 13 years in prison. [via BoingBoing]

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SICK BAY

Fitness guru-turned-recluse RICHARD SIMMONS has been diagnosed with skin cancer. 

The 75-year-old detailed the process on X, telling followers he had a spot removed near his eye. It was tested and came back as basal cell carcinoma -- the most common form of skin cancer. 

No word on a prognosis, though the post comes just days after Simmons sparked concern with a tweet about dying. 

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BY THE NUMBERS

📈 The DOW gained 401 points (1.03%) to close at 39,512 on Wednesday, an all-time high. The S&P increased 46 points (0.89%) to close at 5,224 and the NASDAQ gained 202 points (1.25%) to close at 16,369. 

🛢 WEST TEXAS INTERMEDIATE closed at $81; BRENT CRUDE at nearly $86. 

⛽ The national average price of a GALLON OF GAS was $3.51 on Wednesday.

₿ BITCOIN snapped back on Wednesday, up nearly 9% and trading over $67,400. 

🛩 There were more than 3,000 FLIGHTS delayed within, into, or out of the United States on Wednesday and more than 50 such cancellations. 

💰Friday night’s MEGA MILLIONS drawing will be for a $977 million jackpot or a $461 million cash payout. 

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SHOWBIZ NEWS

SHOHEI OHTANI was the target of a bomb threat ahead of his debut with the Dodgers at Gocheok Sky Dome in Seoul on Wednesday. 

Yonhap News Agency reported on the scare, saying someone sent an email to local authorities claiming they were going to detonate a bomb at the dome, and specifically called out Ohtani. 

The threat proved to be a hoax and the game went off without a hitch. 

BY THE WAY: The Dodgers beat the San Diego Padres 5-2. [via YNA]

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BETHENNY FRANKEL is feeling the heat after posting a photo of a phallic-shaped rainbow dessert she purchased while vacationing Down Under with her 13-year-old daughter, Bryn. 

Captioning the photos with how amazing it is to travel and experience things alongside her daughter, Frankel’s emphasis on the “food scene” rubbed some followers the wrong way. 

“You are her Mom, not her bestie. Make better decisions,” one person commented, while another questioned why she would post a pic of the food in the same series as photos of her and her daughter. 

Meanwhile, some locals came to her defense, with one Aussie writing, “It’s funny and not that serious. Welcome to Aus B, have the best trip.” [via Instagram]

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KATHY GRIFFIN is having a hard time locating her estranged husband RANDY BICK, so she hired a private investigator to help find him. 

Radar Online reports that after kicking Bick out of their marital home last December, Griffin has not been in contact with him or is privy to where he is living. 

Sources told the outlet that even the P.I. has been unable to locate Bick. 

The former couple started dating in 2011, but didn’t tie the knot until 2020. Their split was announced just before what would have been their fourth anniversary. No word on what exactly happened. [via Radar Online]

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EMINEM is working on some new music. 

The news was shared by longtime friend and collaborator DR. DRE, who appeared on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” this week. 

“He has an album coming out, I’ve got songs on it and it’s fire,” Dre said. 

The not-yet-titled album is Em’s 12th studio album, and follows 2020’s “Music to Be Murdered By.” [via Billboard]

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SOPHIE TURNER has asked a judge to “reactivate” her divorce from JOE JONAS after the pair failed to settle property and child custody issues on their own. 

Jonas’ rep told Page Six that the filing is “a legal formality” and doesn’t mean there is any bad blood. 

Remember, Jonas initially filed for divorce from Turner last September after four years of marriage. The exes share two young daughters. [via Page Six]

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KEANU REEVES ditched his thick locks for a new, shorter ‘do. 

The actor first showed off his haircut on the set of his forthcoming movie, “Outcome.” 

It had been years since Reeves has had hair this short. [via TMZ]

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CHRISTIAN DUMONTET, the husband of “Selling Sunset” alum CHRISTINE QUINN, was arrested Tuesday after allegedly -- and accidentally -- hitting their son with a glass bottle. 

According to the LAPD, the 45-year-old threw a bag containing a glass bottle at an unidentified victim, missed and hit the 2-year-old. The child was taken by ambulance to the emergency room; accompanied by Quinn. 

As of Wednesday afternoon, Dumontet remained in jail with a $30,000 bail. [via Daily Beast]

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CASTING CALL

TIMOTHEE CHALAMET is the first actor since JOHN TRAVOLTA to have two top-grossing films in eight months with his most recent films “Wonka” and “Dune: Part Two.” 

In response to the news, Travolta took to Instagram to congratulate Chalamet, writing “It’s great to have someone to share my box office record with. Sincerely, JT.” 

According to Indiewire, the two films grossed over $200 million domestically. 

BY THE WAY: Travolta’s two record-breaking films were “Saturday Night Fever” (1977) and “Grease” (1978). [via People] 

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CLINT HOWARD, the younger brother of film producer RON HOWARD, will make his soap opera debut on “The Bold and the Beautiful.” 

He will play Tom, a homeless man who helps the rest of the cast solve a mystery. 

The episodes featuring Clint are scheduled to air on April 26 and 29. [via TVInsider]

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Another “Downton Abbey” film is in the works. 

Actress IMELDA STAUNTON, who played Queen Mary’s lady-in-waiting in the first two installments confirmed the news to BBC Radio 2.

The first film grossed $195 million and the second grossed $93 million worldwide. The third movie will be the last in the franchise. [via Deadline]

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THE DAILY KARDASHOPUS

What does one wear for a day out in Los Angeles? If you're BIANCA CENSORI the decision is easy…as little as possible. 

She and YE were spotted grabbing some ice cream and hitting up a tanning salon this week and her outfit choice was once again…scandalous. 

While Ye was dressed head to toe in black, Censori wore a metallic bra and matching mini skirt with her butt cheeks exposed. Fans quickly connected the shiny look to a barely-there bikini that Ye’s ex, KIM KARDASHIAN, wore in 2018. [via TMZ]

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WE’LL NEVER BE ROYALS

Officials at the hospital where PRINCESS KATE had her mystery surgery in January are investigating whether three employees tried to access and steal the future queen’s personal medical file. 

The London Clinic is an exclusive, 52-room care center known for treating members of the Royal Family and influential British politicians, so the promise of confidentiality is paramount. So far there’s limited information about what spurred the investigation, though reps for the Clinic have alluded to a “breach report” and are keeping Kensington Palace informed. 

After a weekend visit to a market near Windsor, rumors about Kate’s health calmed down. Since undergoing the procedure, reps said Kate would be back to public duties around Easter – which is coming up a week from Sunday. [via The Mirror, New York Post]

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DAY OF THE YEAR

World Down Syndrome Day

International Color Day

National Crunchy Taco Day

World Puppetry Day

National Memory Day

World Vermouth Day

National French Bread Day

National Single Parent Day

World Poetry Day

Slytherin Pride Day

International Day of Forests

International Fragrance Day

National Common Courtesy Day

World Tattoo Day

Tiramisu Day

Harmony Day

National Healthy Fats Day

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ON THIS DATE

1804 - French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte pushes through a set of laws called the Napoleonic Code.

The laws included rules on property rights, family matters, and individual rights.

It defined commercial and criminal laws, and institutionalized rules that made men the legal heads of households. The Code also made women and illegitimate children second-class citizens.

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1943 - An internal Nazi plan to capture and assassinate Hitler fails.

The higher-ups in the Nazi party planned to arrest the Fuhrer upon his visit to an army headquarters in the Soviet Union. They planned to later detain and kill him.

The plot fell apart instantly, with Hitler surrounded by loyal guards and an entourage.

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1963 - Infamous prison Alcatraz closes down.

The island became American property in 1849 when it was bought by the government. 

At its peak in the 1950s, the island prison in San Francisco Bay was home to more than 200 prisoners, many of them iconic gangsters and criminals from the time.

It was one of the first prisons to use metal detector technology.

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1965 - NASA launches the Ranger 9 probe.

The spacecraft carried still and video cameras to take shots of the moon before impacting it.

The major networks broadcast the images live.

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1980 - President Carter announces to American Olympians that they would not participate in the 1980 Olympics in Moscow, in protest of the Soviet Union’s invasion of Afghanistan.

This was the first time the US instituted a total boycott of the Olympic Games. In 2022, President Joe Biden ordered a diplomatic boycott of the Winter Games in Beijing over human rights abuses, but athletes still competed. 

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1980 - Hit TV show “Dallas” ends its second season with the most famous cliffhanger in TV history.

It capped off a season of JR ticking off many people, and some mysterious person shot him twice. 

SPOILER ALERT: It was JR's mistress.

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2018 - Mark Zuckerberg admits that Facebook “made mistakes” after analytics firm Cambridge Analytics harvested data on 50 million users' political advertising purposes. 

The illicit harvesting was first reported by a journalist for The Guardian in December 2015.

The scandal finally erupted in March with the emergence of whistle-blower Christopher Wylie, who previously worked for Cambridge Analytica. Following the reveal, more than $100 billion was knocked off of Facebook’s stock value and politicians demanded answers. 

This all led to Zuckerberg awkwardly testifying in front of Congress. 

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BIRTHDAYS

Forrest Wheeler - actor, “Fresh Off the Boat” - 20

Jace Norman - actor, “Henry Danger” - 24

Chase Sui Wonders - actress, “Generation” - 28

Diggy Simmons - rapper - 29

Jasmin Savoy Brown - actress, “The Leftovers” - 30

Antoine Griezmann - soccer player - 33

Scott Eastwood - actor, “The Longest Ride” - 38

Adrian Peterson - football player - 39

Melissa Gorga - reality star, “Real Housewives of New Jersey” - 45

Matthew Broderick - actor, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” - 62

Rosie O’Donnell - actress & TV show host - 62

Gary Oldman - actor, “Darkest Hour” & “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” - 66

Born On This Date

Eddie Money - rock singer - 1949 (d. 2019)

Henry Ossian Flipper - first African American to graduate from West Point - 1856 (d. 1940)

Johann Sebastian Bach - composer - 1685 (d. 1750)

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